TL;DR
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A first-person essay published by Tiny Buddha describes an autistic writer’s experience of masking—trying to appear socially “normal”—and the exhaustion they say it caused. The writer says easing that performance brought more energy and more genuine connections, while emphasizing that autistic challenges did not disappear.
Tiny Buddha has published a first-person essay by an autistic writer who says their life improved after they stopped trying to appear “normal” in every social setting. The writer describes years of consciously copying others’ social behavior, followed by exhaustion, and says easing that effort helped them preserve energy and build more genuine relationships.
The writer describes studying how other people behaved—when they made eye contact, laughed, or spoke—and rehearsing conversational rules to avoid standing out. They say they became skilled at this performance, but often returned home feeling depleted. The essay identifies this effort as masking: concealing or adjusting aspects of oneself to meet others’ expectations. This is the writer’s account of their own experience, not a clinical assessment of all autistic people.
They say the cost accumulated over time. Ordinary days left them deeply tired, invitations became harder to accept, and they sometimes canceled plans because another stretch of social performance felt overwhelming. Because they appeared to be functioning in public, they believed they should be fine and blamed themselves for struggling. The essay presents this gap between outward appearance and private exhaustion as a central part of the experience.
The writer describes making gradual changes rather than abandoning social expectations all at once: allowing themselves to move or fidget, not forcing eye contact, and leaving situations when they needed quiet. They say some friendships changed, while others improved. They also report having more energy for activities they enjoyed and choosing quieter settings. They acknowledge that sensory overload and difficult days remain.
The essay draws attention to a tension that can be hard for others to see: a person may manage social interactions outwardly while finding the effort exhausting. The writer says that masking made them look “fine” to others, even as they struggled privately. Their account suggests why visible functioning alone may not reveal how much energy an interaction requires.
For readers, the story is a personal example rather than evidence that one approach will work for everyone. Its practical point is that small adjustments—such as choosing a quieter venue or allowing a needed break—can help the writer feel less pressure to perform. The essay also challenges the idea that fitting in should take priority over comfort and authentic connection.
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A Gradual Shift Away From Masking
The writer says they did not always have the word “autistic” while growing up, but understood that other people treated their differences as a reason to tease them. They responded by trying to learn and reproduce social behaviors. The essay frames that response as an attempt to stay safe and avoid rejection, not as a choice that began with a formal diagnosis.
There was no single dramatic turning point, the writer says. Instead, they gradually recognized that they could continue the same exhausting routine or find out what life felt like with less performance. Their first changes were specific and modest: less forced eye contact, fewer apologies for needing quiet, and more permission to stim. The account does not give a timeline for those changes or details about when the writer learned they were autistic.
““I got good at it. That’s the exhausting part—I got good at it.””
— The essay’s author, describing the effort of masking
What One Personal Account Can Show
The essay documents one writer’s experience and does not establish how common these effects are or whether reducing masking will have the same results for other autistic people. It includes no research data, outside expert commentary, or independent reporting. The source material also does not provide the author’s name or the essay’s publication date. The writer says some friendships changed but does not identify the people involved or describe those changes in detail.
Small Changes in Safer Settings
The writer advises readers who feel worn out by social performance to start with one small, unguarded behavior in a place that feels safe, rather than trying to change everything at once. They suggest noticing how it feels and paying attention to which relationships allow them to be more themselves. The essay does not announce a formal follow-up or a specific next development; its closing message is an invitation to make gradual choices that suit one’s own needs.
Key Questions
What does the writer mean by masking?
The writer uses masking to describe consciously adjusting or hiding behaviors to appear more socially typical, such as rehearsing conversation, copying facial expressions, or forcing eye contact. This definition reflects the author’s personal account.
What changes did the writer make?
They say they stopped forcing eye contact, allowed themselves to fidget or rock, and became more direct about needing quiet. They also chose calmer settings over some loud or crowded events.
Did stopping masking resolve the writer’s difficulties?
No. The writer says they still experience difficult days and sensory overload. They describe a change in how they respond to those challenges, with less self-blame, rather than saying the challenges disappeared.
Does the essay say every autistic person should stop masking?
No. It is a first-person account, not guidance that applies to everyone. The writer recommends starting gradually in a safe place, but the essay does not assess the needs or circumstances of other autistic people.
Source: tinybuddha.com
